Body Image and Weight

Hello All!

It has been a while since I have done a "deep thinking" type post. This one is about body image and weight.

To start off, I want to state a few facts about myself. I'm 5' 9" . I weigh 270 pounds . I have been dancing since I was four. I am very comfortable with how my body looks.

I have had people tell me that I need to cover my arms because people don't want to see them.

Let's take a step back here... OTHER PEOPLE want ME to cover my arms because OTHER PEOPLE are offended by their appearance. I think my arms look fine.  I get hot easily, so I wear sleeveless shirts . I don't wear skin-tight clothing (actually I prefer loose clothing because it Keeps me cool), I don't wear terribly revealing clothing either, SO what's the problem.

I would say that I have a good body image, meaning I can accurately see how I appear . I Know that I am overweight. I know that I need to lose about 100 Pounds. I also Know that I can still dance circles around many people out there.

This doesn't mean that other people should be able to dictate how I should feel about what I wear. I wear things that make me feel good. End of story.

One of the most insulting backhanded compliments I have received is: You are too good a dancer (singer, actress , etc.) to look the way you do.

What does my appearance have to do with how I sound, or how I comunicate an emotion to an audience ? It shouldn't matter. But it does.

Thanks for that, by the way. I'm glad you think I am better than my appearance led you to believe.

I guess my point is that I'm tired of other people assuming I have a warped body image because I am fat. My body Image is fine. Thank you for your concern.

Talk at y'all later!

Quick Update

Hello All!

I haven't posted in over a month. Real life got in the way. I did about a week of NaNoWriMo before I had to stop, but I did get a chunk of writing done on my story and fleshed out some of the background information. Maybe when I have more written I'll start posting it on FictionPress.

I've been pretty busy with ballet, church, and Christmas Caroling. I am not ready for it to be December. When did this happen?!

It's been a really hard time for me lately with several church members passing away and having to sing at a few funerals. I actually have to sing at one today. It's always really hard trying not to cry. I have a hard time singing while crying, so I have to be extra careful with my tears.

I have finally gotten a Twitter. You can follow me @darksunnygirl. I've been using it and tumblr more and more because it is easier to update from my phone.

Sometime in the next few weeks I will be posting lots of empties posts and reviews of products. Be ready for them!

Until next time!

NaNoWriMo and More

So, you might be able to tell from the title, I'm going to be doing National Novel Writing Month in November. It is a challenge to write a small novel (50,000 words) in 30 days. I haven't actually written any stories since 2009/2010, so I'm pretty nervous about just starting to write a book. I am hoping that this will get me out of the writing slump I have been in for a while.

Because I will be attempting to write ~2000 words a day, I will be only posting one blog per week in November. I will be using all my writing abilities for my story and not for my blog... so what can you expect for November?

1. October Makeup Empties... this will probably come later in the month because I think I will have a ton of products to discuss and it will take some time for me to do all the research I need for the post.

2. Walk to Mordor Large Update: weeks 44 through 50 or so. I'll also talk about my first year doing Walk to Mordor and how much longer I believe it will take for me to complete the walk.

3. a huge food pictures post... this won't be too difficult, so I might do a few of these.

4. an update on my NaNoWriMo at the end of the month.

So... that's it for now... look out tomorrow for another food post!

Things I've Been Loving

Another Things I've Been Loving post for you guys!

I've been really busy these past few weeks, so I haven't had much time for discovering new things. I have been, however, rediscovering old things that I had forgotten that I loved. This post is all about those old things I had forgotten about, and I'm not quite sure how I've been going on without them in my life.

1. Evanescence- I used to listen to Evanescence almost every day for my last two years of high school. I fell in love with the song "Lithium" from The Open Door. It was the first song I heard/ watched the music video for that I said "I have to get this" the moment I first heard it. Some of my other favorite songs by Evanescence are "Going Under", "Imaginary", "My Immortal", and "Everybody's Fool" from Fallen. My favorites from The Open Door are "Call Me When You're Sober", "Lacrymosa", and "Good Enough". The only song from Evanescence that I could say is a favorite is "What You Want". I haven't listened to the album enough to feel like I could say any of the others are my favorites. Here is "Lithium" if you want to watch it.

I love the opening lyrics:

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

 

This describes perfectly (for me at least) the feeling of how I felt when I was on depression meds. I felt like I was being bottled up and distant from my emotions. Is it better to feel like you are crying all the time, every day, or to feel empty? It's a hard choice. Nothing is more strange than feeling guilty about wanting to feel sad again because you miss it. Welcome to my internal battles.

2. Doctor Who- I finally watched The Day of the Doctor and the ending of Matt Smith's time as Dr. Who. I bawled my eyes out, it was so emotional. Now I just have to catch up on this season before Saturday... yeah... not going to happen. But I'll probably read the episode synopses and move on with life. And this was my favorite line in this season:

3. The Vegan Peach- I've been watching videos by TheVeganPeach on YouTube for a while now and I love that she "tells it like it is". Her videos are really refreshing and real and have no "fakeness" that some of the vegan community on YouTube have become. I highly recommend her blog and her videos! Here is one of her videos about why honey is not vegan:

4. The Dollar Tree- I used to go there all the time in college. I stopped going when I came home because it was easier to go to other stores. However, they have the best Halloween decorations and they are only $1! I also have found some really great unbreakable glassware (I have glasses I have dropped onto wood floors several times, and they are still going strong). I got some really great black and purple fake flowers with glittery plastic spiders in them to stick in some glass bottles I found at Michaels. There we go. Halloween decorations done! Check out their Halloween products here!

That's it for now, Peeps! What are some of the things you have been loving recently?

I Missed My One Year Anniversary

I missed my one year anniversary! Oh no!

September 30th was my one year blogversary, and I completely forgot about it. I started this blog to track my Walk to Mordor, and I have been terribly lax in updating my progress... I believe it has been over two months since I posted my mileage on this blog. I plan to fix that in the coming weeks as I attempt to post a blog post every day this month.

I wanted to reminisce a little bit about how this blog has changed over the last year. I started out with the mindset of "Walk to Mordor NOW!" and "get in shape, lose weight!" This just hasn't happened and over the months this blog has turned into a place where I can share my many interests with those who decide to stop by. I've reviewed books and CDs, I started talking about makeup and beauty, I've shown you my hundreds of vegan food pictures as I go about my life. I have shared my favorite songs and tv shows. I have ranted about things that annoy me and spilled out my guts about things that make me sad. It has been a healing experience for me to write this blog and I want to continue doing it for the foreseeable future.

In the last year I have gained one follower (yay!) and I have had 2353 hits (as of writing this post) on my blog. To some people, that isn't much. To me, it is 2353 hits more than I ever expected.

Looking back over the last year this post has been my favorite: 2013 Year in Review Books
This is the post that took me the longest to write. I had to go through the hundreds of books I read last year and pick out my favorites, which was difficult. It was almost an ode to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and books from the late 19th- early 20th centuries. This year I fear my list will not be as exciting since I haven't been reading much (or at least, not finishing books that I've started).

And this has been my most viewed: Makeup Products I Have Used Up In March
I'm not quite sure what makes this my most popular post with 49 views, but it is the most viewed post on my blog. It's interesting to see what products I was using and what I am using now and noticing how my tastes have changed depending on the seasons.

Lastly, this was the hardest post I had to write: Depression
It took me a long time to work up the guts to write and then finally upload this post. I am glad I did, and I hope you take a look at it. Depression in something that is important to talk about and not shove under the rug because it makes people uncomfortable.

What I hope to do with this blog in the future: Write posts more consistently or nearly every day. Write a larger variety of posts. Write more about topics that interest me. Review more books and CDs. Have days for specific posts (Like What I ate Wednesdays and Monday book reviews). Do more tag posts and/or challenges.

I want to thank each and every one of you that read this blog. I hope you have enjoyed or benefitted from some of the things I have said. So thank you for helping make my year wonderful. Here's to the next one!

I've Been Away and Now I'm Back

So it has been a while since I posted on here. It has been a long few weeks.

Last week, I went to Baton Rouge to visit my friend Ashley. I needed to get away from home, and we needed to celebrate her new job, so we met up and had some fun. We went out to eat Mexican food of goodness, went shopping at the LUSH at the mall (I LOVE LUSH!), found our way to Whole Foods, ran by Trader Joe's, and found some cute Dollar Tree Halloween decorations. We decided to dye our hair (Ashley needed to for her job, and I wanted to try henna in my hair again) so we did! Ashley did a deep red ombre and I went with a copper color. I absolutely love my hair color right now. It is a gorgeous copper color and the natural highlights in my hair turned to an almost pinky rose gold copper. It is slowly fading, but I am trying to not wash it too much. I don't wash my hair everyday anyway, so it isn't too hard to not over wash it.

While I was visiting Ashley we decided to go to Target late at night. Of course, when we got back to my car, my battery had died. We had to wait for a while until the pop-a-lock guy came to jump me. In the morning, I got to buy a new battery (yay!) so now my car purrs when I rumble down the road.

I started singing in a choir in my community and it is taking up more of my time. Because I've been spending about 6 more hours a week driving, I haven't been able to work on my blog posts like I want. I am actually really behind in a lot of things (I have about 300 videos in my watch later list on YouTube and I haven't done any of my readings for bible study).

The good news is that I watched the season premier of Agents of Shield last night and LOVED it. I'm not going to give any spoilers, but it was a fantastic new episode. I was excited to see what they did with Ward and Fitz, but I hate Skye's new haircut. I think it makes her look really young and would get in the way in a fight. I just don't like it. I do like how bad ass Coulson is being the new Director. Not too much on the action side of things, but more of a build up for this new season. I'm excited and looking forward to the rest of the year's shows.

My favorite new show is FOREVER, also on ABC. It stars Ioan Gruffudd (Reed Richards from Fantastic Four) and Judd Hirsch (a great actor... so happy he is a part of this show!) and is about a man, Dr. Henry Morgan, who cannot stay dead. He keeps dying and reappearing naked in water and is over 200 years old. It is a cop show/medical show/drama/person who won't die show and I love it. The two episodes I've seen are the Pilot and Look Before You Leap. This has the makings to be one of my favorite shows. I'll keep you posted on the series as it continues.

That's all for today. I will be posting more at the end of this week. Go enjoy this first week of fall!

Friday Afternoon Ramble

Hello All!

 

Today you are getting a ramble post because I am in a very ramble-y mood. I have been having a lot of trouble concentrating on things recently. I'll start reading a book, then get distracted by an email, then read a few texts, all while watching a show on Netflix.

 

Netflix is a black hole of time wasting goodness. I have recently discovered the Ultimate Spiderman is on Netflix... such a hilarious show. I love the bad puns and the levity Coulson, Spidey, and Fury bring to the cartoon. I've watched both seasons available on Netflix and I can't wait to watch the next season when it comes out.

 

I've also been watching the X-Files. I had never seen the show before, and I am not sure why since it is totally up my alley. I love paranormal and alien investigations and the suspense in this show is amazing. I also love Moulder... his character is so awesome. I love how much he believes in everything and doesn't let everyone else's skepticism get in his way of finding out the truth.

Charmed is also one of the shows I been re-watching. I haven't watched this show in forever and I had forgotten how great it is. I'm still on the first season, but I will be making my way through it eventually.

 

In other news, I recently started using my Instagram account again to post pictures of plants and such. I don't really post any food picture there, but vegetation and cool architecture is fair game. If you want to follow me, feel welcome to check out my pictures: KnittingOpera

 

I also have a tumblr account that I update at least once a week. I post these blogs here as well as my Instagram pics. My name is: darksunnygirl.  You can see my reblogs about vegans and animals there. I reblog lots and lots of vegan food recipes.

I've been trying to get back into art and writing more so I've been journaling and sketching a bit. Nothing too groundbreaking, but something to focus on for more than just a few minutes. Maybe I'll post some of my sketches in a few weeks when I have more.

So... before this gets any more ramble-y, I'll go now. I'll be posting another food pictures post later! :)

Feeling Down

Today was one of those "down" days where I have just had the blues all day long.

I woke up and fell back asleep. I couldn't make myself cook things, so I ate a banana and dates. I stayed in my pajamas until after noon. I didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anybody.

But I had to, so I did.

I found out yesterday that a lady from my church that I have known almost my entire life died last week. I didn't know she was in bad shape and it came as a shock. I think I'm still in shock. It's like the tears are in my eyes but refuse to fall.

I am pissed that I'm feeling down because I had a fantastic weekend with my friend Ashley and the weather hasn't been totally unbearable. Yet... here I sit listening to sad cello music and reading sad Avengers fanfiction. In fact, you should listen to the sad cello music too!

 

Now that you are crying from sad Bach, judge me for being sad.

 

I've been feeling a lot of self-deprecation lately. I just feel really down about myself and what I want to do with my life. I saw a seven year old selfie on my Timehop the other day and it made me hate who I have become. Where has that smiling, happy, healthy girl gone? I'm not sure, but I want to find her again.

 

Until then, I will just continue listening to Yo-yo Ma play cello and hope it makes me a little happier.

 

Talk at you all again tomorrow.

Talk about Tarot

Earlier this year I bought my first deck of tarot cards. I debated a very long time before purchasing this deck for several reasons. The first being that I had had some negative experiences and situations associated with tarot cards in the past. Long story short, I associated them with a woman who manipulated me emotionally for a long time and I wanted nothing to do with anything she liked for an even greater time (this included vampires, Nightwish, Dracula, tarot, rosaries, wine, Olive Garden, Clinique counters, and fish to show you the variety of things this person turned me off of in my life). One by one I added these things back into my life (except Olive Garden and fish, but I'm vegan now so I don't need to worry about those).

In January, a dear friend of mine from college, Ashley, came to visit and we ended up getting a tarot reading for her in the French Quarter. I did a whole bunch of internet research and finally decided to buy a deck because I fell in love with it at first glimpse. I found the Wild Unknown Tarot almost by accident. I was looking at reviews and collections on Youtube and this deck kept popping up as a favorite deck.

What struck me immediately was the restrained use of color and the black and white ink drawings. This drawing style is aesthetically pleasing to me on so many levels. It is clean and clear and easy to look at. It also emphasizes different aspects of the images with the sparing use of colors. The pictures are full of vitality and movement because of the short strokes of the pen and the small border is fantastic. Another amazing thing about this deck is that it is completely human free. This deck is nature based and nature driven. I love the great outdoors and animals, so when I saw this I had to find out as much as I could about it.

This is the first deck that has ever called out to me and made me really want to buy it. After looking at all the pictures and reviews I could find of this deck for several months, I bought it. It was $40 plus shipping (but I got my shipping free with a coupon code) and if you want to get the companion book, you must order that separately for $20. I did not buy the companion book, but I probably will in the future.

It took twice as long as it said it would to get here, so I was super excited when it came. The box is beautiful. The cheat sheet of meanings is hand drawn and written and gorgeous. The cards themselves are art. I've never been so pleased with an online purchase (well, maybe my ukulele, but you get the picture, I love this deck).

The one problem I have with the deck is that it is hard to shuffle with my small hands because the cardstock is thick which makes the deck itself quite large. It is more than twice as thick as a normal deck of playing cards. The cards have a matte textured coating that doesn't let them slide out of your hands when you are working with them.

I am still getting to know this deck and the wonderful art on each card, so I am doing a daily draw for self reflection. This helps me think about and focus of the topics each card brings up for that day. I write down my thoughts in my journal so I can go back and look at what I thought about different cards on different days.

For example, on the first of May, I drew the hierophant. This is what I wrote about it in my journal:

A raven/ crow standing on a key that is being struck by lightning. It's mouth is open in a cry out to the sky.
Meaning: Mentor, working within the system.
Ravens are connected with intelligence, as an oracle for future happenings, as a messenger, a holder of ancestral knowledge. Think Hugin (thought) and Mugin (memory). Jung thought of them as the dark side of the psyche.
So, a keeper of secrets and memory, very smart and thoughtful: a powerful creature.
The key- opening and closing of things. In a world of locked rooms the man with the key is king (to quote Moriarty). Keys can represent knowledge, mystery, initiation, and curiosity. Secrets and wisdom. A symbol of power.
Lightning- loss of ignorance. Dramatic and instantaneous retributive destruction. Odin's spear Gungnir is an embodiment of lightning. Thor wields Mjolnir- lightning and thunder god. Awakening of new thoughts. Awareness, illumination, insight and enlightenment.
Overall, this card is about awakening and provoking thought as well as wisdom and terrible power.

So, armed with that knowledge, I went on to face the day thinking about knowledge, power, learning, and memories. I feel like these cards offer a lot of details that can be further analyzed for meditation and introspection.

After a week or two of owning these cards, I decided to buy a Rider Waite deck because I was getting really confused trying to learn more about tarot with this deck. (That is one of the downsides of this deck and one of the plus sides: It is all about personal interpretation. Because of this, it is much more suited to daily card draws and meditation than large spreads for me.) I ended up getting the Universal Waite Tarot set that came with a copy of The Pictorial Key to the Tarot by Waite. I love the coloring of this deck and I'm very glad I got it instead of the regular Rider Waite Smith deck. The book was really hard to get into at first, but once I got into the language and began reading it out loud to myself to make more sense of the vastly long sentences, I enjoyed reading it. It took me about three days to read through it card by card and try to really understand what was going on in each one. These cards are much thinner than the Wild Unknown Tarot and they have a glossy finish. They are much easier to shuffle because the cards bend, but I'm sure they will wear out before the thicker card stock. I find these cards better suited for doing spreads and trying to understand multiple layers and card interactions within my life. I don't like the artwork as much as the Wild Unknown, but they are nice, good cards.

In July, I found the beautiful Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law. I have ordered a tarot kit and her two illustrated books about the making of the deck from her website and I'm waiting in anticipation for the package to ship. I'm very excited!

Then... I made an impulse buy at Barnes and Noble two days ago and bought the Deviant Moon Tarot. I really love the artwork in this deck. It is dark and mysterious while being surreal and insightful at the same time. I had looked at this deck online a few months ago, but thought it was too creepy whenever I would look at the pictures. Yet, when I was standing in front of the tarot shelf I kept gravitating toward the deck. I picked it up and read the box about four times before I just decided to get it and stop worrying about it. I do really like the deck, but I have a problem shuffling because they are long and my fingers cannot reach around them long-ways. I'll talk more about this deck when I have spent some time with it.

Here are some resources for tarot online:

Aeclectic Tarot is one of the most extensive websites full of reviews and is a wonderful place to start when looking for information about specific decks or finding decks similar to ones you already own. Here is an alphabetical list of their tarot reviews. You will be on this website for days if you want to read them all. It is that vast.

Owlmoon513 is one of my favorite tarot reviewers on Youtube. This is her playlist of tarot reviews. She is very down to earth and calm in her videos and I love how she describes the decks and shows a her favorites and least favorites in the decks. I feel like these videos are super genuine and I enjoy watching them immensely.

I will be doing in depth reviews of all these decks in the future. Let me know which one you would like to see first.

Thoughts about "Vegans are Not Annoying"

I've now been home three days and I am exhausted. I cleaned out the refrigerator yesterday and part of my room on Sunday. I gained a little weight when I got sick and wasn't excercizing, so I'm going to try to eat healthier. I love so many of the vegan "junk foods" that it is sometimes hard to remember to eat my green leafy vegetables in their natural form instead of covered in fatty cashews (kale chips, you know I'm talking about you).

I wanted to share an interesting article that I found on Facebook.

It's called Vegans are Not Annoying

I think many people do think than I am annoying because I choose to have a "restrictive" diet. (I don't agree that it is restrictive, because I no longer see animals as a viable food source, but others call it this.) They think that I am trying to make them feel bad about not eating healthily, or something. That's not what I'm doing. I don't eat meat and dairy because the thought of eating it makes me sick. I don't judge my family for eating their steaks and cheeseburgers. They can eat whatever they want, as long as they don't force me to eat it. I just make lots of my awesome vegan foods to share with them because they usually like them and eat most of it because it is tasty!

The tenth point in the article is my favorite: We can take a punch without releasing drama.

I find that most of the vegans and/or vegetarians I know are pretty laid back, pacifistic, and really don't care about what others think of them (at least not about the food they eat). And when others decide they need berate them for being vegan, most vegans just say, "I don't agree with (insert non-vegan thing here) because..." and don't get mad about it.

The article pointed out the people who will make fun of vegans for being "too skinny" and tell them they need to eat some protein. See this picture from the Vegan Sidekick to understand what I'm talking about. There are also people who point out to larger people that veganism obviously "isn't working" for them, since they are still fat.

Why do others feel the need to point out other people's physical appearance and criticize them for their life choices because of it? I think every time we do this to others, we are enforcing a negative body image on ourselves (because we obviously have some body image issues if we have to insult others to make ourselves feel better). I like to hope that people don't make judgments about me just on my appearance, but on how I live my life and how I interact with others.

I know my mom has been on the receiving end of nasty comments about her hair color and physical appearance. My mom has dark brown hair that is slowly getting a little grey. I think her hair is beautiful (I think grey hair is beautiful in general, but that's just me) and I don't understand why so many people think they have to point out to her that her hair is going grey like it is a bad thing. Or that she should dye it blonde. She's also had people tell her that the scars on her face where she has had skin cancer removed is ugly and that she needs to have surgery to make it look better. WTF! She just healed from having someone dig cancer out of her face and you are telling her that the scar is ugly and needs to have MORE surgery to make it look pretty? Or that her nose is going to fall off? (She literally had someone tell her that her nose was going to fall off from skin cancer once, because they had met someone with no nose. What a wonderful thing to say to someone who had to sit in a room and have their face carved on FOR HOURS. Not a nice thing to say!)

I know there are people that judge me for my weight or look at me funny when I say that I am vegan (because people still think that all vegans eat is celery and kale juice and that we are all skinny). Vegans are all ages, shapes, sizes, and fitness levels. Vegans are from all ethnic groups, religions, professions, countries, and ideologies. What unifies vegans is that we don't eat animals, whether for their sakes or ours, and we try not to add to the suffering of the world.

So, I agree with this article. Vegans are cool and happy and want to feed you because eating food is awesome (and believe me, some of the vegan creations I've made have been amazing!) and we like to eat food that doesn't make us hurt the next day. Spread the vegan message and eat some fruits!

I hope you enjoyed this post. (I apologize about the "protect mom from mean people" rant.) I would really love to hear what you think about it in the comments.

Ranting About Audience Members

Afternoon All! This is a rant post. You have been warned!

I know that I have been MIA for a few days, but I'm back to tell you about some of the fun things I've done recently.

Two days ago my parents and I went to a concert (Mozart's Jupiter Symphony and Mahler's Fourth) and I ended up sitting next to some very rude people. This seems to happen to me all the time. I'm not sure if most of you know this, but I can be really shy around strangers and I don't like to cause confrontations or get into arguments if I can help it. I also will stand my ground when I am in the right. Well... we were using my aunt's tickets to this concert and she has one seat front row center. I LOVE sitting there because I can really see the details about the performance. We don't always use my aunt's tickets, but we do use them at least once a year.

The couple on my left remembered me and we had a lovely conversation about what I had been doing over the year. The couple on my right decided that it wasn't my seat and they didn't want me sitting there. First, I had to tell them that it was my seat twice before the woman's friend would move. Then, the woman complained for fifteen minutes that no one usually sat there (because my aunt usually sits in her other seats that are on the end of a row because she doesn't like sitting by these people). THEN, after the intermission, when I came back from the restroom (which housed the giant water bug of DOOM, but that is another story) she had put all of her stuff in my seat and I had to ask her to remove it. Then she asked me if I "was sure" that it was my seat. Multiple times.

I was furious.

This sort of thing happens to me all the time because I am young (I'm 25, but I tend to look a little younger to most people because I am heavier and have a rounder face). I've been shopping when people won't help me or ignore me when I ask them questions. I don't like shopping. I HATE shopping for clothes because it is ridiculously hard to find clothes that fit and look good when you are my size and height. When I go shopping, I buy things. I buy things I know will last and are usually pretty expensive (since I usually am looking for a recital dress and shoes and those can be ridiculously expensive).

I've found that people who work in the women's sizes are generally nicer and more ready to help. When I go to the regular sizes, I'm ignored or dismissed. (I'm in that strange gap between regular sizes and women's sizes and it is hell to find clothes).

So... at this performance, I was livid. My aunt gave me the ticket. She paid for it. It is MY SEAT. Just because I am young, does not mean that I don't deserve to sit in a seat or that I can't appreciate music. I would argue that I appreciate it MORE because I have analyzed these pieces and I can tell you all about the form and background of the pieces.

Also. I am tall. Well, really, I'm not that tall. I'm 5'9". That is average for a man in America. Not that I am a man, but I am pretty average against the general population. But I'm pretty tall when I sit because I have a long body. I can't change that. I will not slouch because you can't see. That makes my back hurt. When I sit in a chair for over 2 hours, my back is going to be hurting anyway. I can't change my height to accommodate your sightlines. I will not apologize for that.

So. I ignored the people to my right and enjoyed the concert.

THEN

Yesterday my mom and I went to see Miss Saigon. It was a really great show (except the music was way too loud and my ears were ringing by the end) and I loved watching the lighting and set changes. However, there was a woman in the row behind us that screamed after Every. Single. Song. She was the only one in the theater who did it. I was over it after the first six songs. After the 2.5 hours of the show? I wanted to murder her. It was so frustrating!

I have decided that I need to ignore people. This is the only way I won't go crazy.

On a lighter note, I found out recently that one of my best friends from college is going to be moving really close to me and I'll be able to see her more often. I am super stoked! Now, if all of my friends would just figure out that New Orleans is awesome and they would all move there, my life would be much more fun!

That's all folks! Talk at you tomorrow!

Still Sick Ramble

Hi Everybody!

It seems like everyone really liked my post yesterday because the view count was through the roof. I ended up making vegan lasagna to celebrate my one year being vegan and I've been eating the leftovers today since my Dad wasn't too fond of the tempeh (I'd never put it in lasagna before, but it was really good).

So this post is a ramble post because I'm having trouble getting pictures to load for my next NC trip update and I'm on too much cough medicine to want to think about numbers to do my Walk to Mordor updates (I've missed several somehow... I'm not sure how they got away from me again).

I'm still sick.

Not anywhere near as bad as last week, but still sneezing and coughing and feeling woozy from the cough medicine I have to take. My mom is absolutely convinced that I'm sick because I am not getting proper nutrition, but I think I just got worn down and caught a cold at Kanuga.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned Kanuga before in posts, but it is this really awesome Episcopal Conference and Retreat Center in Hendersonville, North Carolina. I've been going there at least one week every summer since I was one (except the year my brother was born and my mom was on bed rest). I really love it there, and I had a lot of fun seeing my friends that I don't normally see. I was super bummed to get sick while I was there because it cut down on the number of things I felt like doing (I really didn't want to go hiking when it was hard to breathe). I did still have fun and I learned a new card/board game from my friend Lauren and her dad that was called Sequence. I even played in a trivia game (we lost horribly, but it was good fun) and used my knowledge of Stevie Wonder songs and Disney to help us get a few points.

I had a really fantastic chat with my friend Lauren on our last night there and we were talking about emotional vampires. You know the people I'm talking about: you seem to spend all your time and energy with them or on them or about them and it drains you until you crack. I had a friend who did this to me in school and it took me a long time to recover. I am a pretty giving person. I just like to do things for people because it makes me happy. At that time, I was giving so much of myself that I had not time that was not about this other person. My entire day was planned around making her happy and I didn't ever think about myself. I ended up having an emotional breakdown in the middle of a school building and leaving school, only to return a week later after being diagnosed with depression. It wasn't a really great time in my life. Now looking back on it, I am grateful that it happened because I can stop it from happening again and completely wrecking me.

When I'm sick I spend a lot of time thinking because it is hard for me to concentrate enough to read. Like two days ago: I read a story in The Return of Sherlock Holmes then spent five hours on Wikipedia after I looked up South Africa in the 1890s. Yep. Five HOURS. I can now tell you all about the genocide of pygmies in Africa, Animism, scientific practices in the Renaissance, Alchemy, Newton, Hermeticism in Literature, the Golden Dawn, Gypsies, Palmistry, Cold Reading, Dragons in literature, Honey Bees, Voodoo, and Butterflies. Those are just the ones I remember. Wikipedia is dangerous because you can get sucked in until you literally spend all night going from one article to the next. I'm not sure I'll ever need to know about pollination in that great detail, but I now know about it. This is why it is taking me FOREVER to read these short stories. I guess it is good for my general knowledge, but not for actually finishing the books.

Like I said earlier, this is a ramble. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to take some more medicine and go to sleep. Talk at you tomorrow!

Trip to NC Summer 2014 Part Three

July 1- July 3

Tuesday was one of those days when I just didn't want to do anything. Wednesday was as well.
I had certain things I did, like hike and talk to my therapist. I also did a lot of laying around and doing nothing. I ate a lot of junk food in these two days... because I felt nasty, so I ate more nasty food and felt nastier. There are only so many cold showers I can take to stop from getting heat rash and feeling sticky and sweaty all the time. For some reason the heat always feels worse here in North Carolina than it does in Louisiana. I think it has to do with your expectations. I don't expect it to be hot here in North Carolina because we usually come up when it is still cool and we can adjust to the heat without air conditioner. But at home, you expect it to be horrible, but you just roll with it.

Thursday started with the sun hitting me in the face. That's what happens when you forget to close your blackout curtains! I rolled over and BAM! Sun in the face. I decided that since the sun was up, I could be too. I made some awesome spaghetti for breakfast (I have a love for pasta... some would call it an addiction... they would be correct). I haven't been drinking enough water recently, so I'm actively trying to drink more while I'm just laying around.

I have many pictures of foods I've eaten in this period. Enjoy them!

Spaghetti with my mom's homemade sauce and daiya shreds

Beets with balsamic vinegar and olive oil

I tried this mac and cheese and it was definitely cheesey. I'm glad that I tried it at least once, even if it is really hard to find at home. This will not be a staple food in my diet, it is way to rich for that.

I love these "chicken" tenders more than I ever loved real chicken tenders. They are phenomenal.

SO Cheesey!

Plain Chick'n Tenders...

... And how I eat them... mustard, ketchup, and vegenaise

Leftovers!

Kale with Mushrooms, Olive Oil, and Garlic with Chinese Noodles in homemade Vegan Alfredo made from Diaya Shreds, Go Veggie! Slices, Almond Milk, Garlic, Rosemary, and Black Pepper.

Lettuce with Sesame Oil, Soy Sauce, and Rice Vinegar.

Leftover Vegan Alfredo

I took some pictures while I was out hiking. I hope you enjoy them.



Tomato Soup

Grilled Cheese using Go Veggie! Slices

 

I also painted my nails on Tuesday. I used clear fingernail polish and a Clinique blush that I mixed together using a hairpin. I discovered this DIY nail polish last year or the year before on YouTube and decided to make use of it since I didn't bring any polish with me and I didn't feel like having to buy multiple polishes at the store since I am on a project 10/ ? pan. I bought a clear nail polish and a top coat so I can mix as many colors as I want over the summer. I will do a tutorial post the next time I do it. I've done this method six or seven times now using different brands of eye shadows, pigments, and blushes. The best results I have had with powdered eye shadows and pigments because I didn't have to break up the powders myself. This, if not done correctly, can leave you with lumpy or gritty nail polish. This time I used this super old Clinique blush (when they used to be in circular packaging, so you know it is old) that my mom gave me when it didn't compliment her skin tone. It is a really bright coral orange peach on my skin, but on my nails it is a gorgeous dark coral. I have several other blushes and eye shadows with me that I want to try, so you will get a tutorial some time in the next few weeks.

 

 

I went shopping again with my mom to buy more vegan foods for our Fourth of July dinner... while we were shopping we found a jar of bell pepper bruschetta. I LOVE this stuff! The problem I have with it is that it is super oily, so I can only eat a little bit before I start feeling sick.

 

 

And last, but not least, this is the luna moth on our porch. Well, one of them. The other one is hanging on the side of the edge of the roof. It is as big as my hand!

 

Sore throat ramble

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. This is one of those things that always freaks me out because I'm a singer. I always think: this is the time something goes wrong and my voice is gone forever. Really, I'm ok. I just can't swallow without pain. So I'm going to read today and sleep and drink copious amounts of tea because that's what I do.

Food Glorious Food

Another food post headed your way!

Tofu Scramble

Let's start off this post with a tofu scramble. I've been having trouble finding tofu at the supermarket that isn't soft. This was the last container of Extra Firm tofu at Rouses and I grabbed it off the shelf like a possessed woman when I saw it. I scrambled it with cherry tomatoes, baby bella mushrooms, spinach, olive oil, low sodium soy sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, and a little Cajun seasoning.

Banana Date and Coconut Water Smoothie

This next picture doesn't look too appetizing, but that is just because the bananas were oxidizing. This is a banana, date, and coconut water smoothie. It tastes like desert in a beverage. Absolutely adore this for a lunch or dinner meal/ meal supplement.

Beautiful Taco Seven Layer Goo

Layers of Taco Goo

Beautiful, Tasty, Glorious Taco Goo

I'm not sure what to call this. A seven layer taco dip casserole? It tastes much better than it looks. Starting from the bottom: Soy taco, vegetarian refried beans (regular refried beans contain lard and are therefore not vegan), pinto beans, kalamata and pimento-stuffed green olives, white sushi rice, medium chunky salsa, guacamole. I made the guacamole with 1 avocado, juice from 1/4 lemon, 3 tablespoons green tobasco, onion powder, garlic powder, and cultured coconut milk (coconut yogurt). I was out of daiya, so I had to improvise.

Lettuce Tacos

The next day I used romaine lettuce to make lettuce tacos with my leftover taco goo. They were incredibly fantastic! The crunchiness of the lettuce really made the rest of the food taste better and the spices had marinated overnight so the taco-ness was more pronounced.

Angel Hair with Dressing and Oil

Next we have Angel Hair with leftover house salad dressing from the Nutrition Company, olive oil, and garlic. It was wonderfully tangy, salty, and fresh tasting.

Vegan Pepperoni on Olive Bread

I was trying to use up things that would go bad while we were away, so I needed to use up my veggie pepperoni. Enter the pepperoni sandwich. It is literally pepperoni on toasted olive bread. Yummy and filling!

Lettuce Tacos with Peas

The rest of my taco goo with the rest of the romaine lettuce and leftover green peas. Iced pomegranate juice is my beverage.

Angel Hair with Peas, Pine Nuts, and Veggie Burger Crumbles

Last is the exciting leftover conglomerate: Angel hair pasta, crumbled Chez Marie vegan burgers, leftover green peas, pine nuts, olive oil, and garlic. I drank pomegranate juice with it.

I hope you enjoyed this food picture dump. TTYL

Brief Update

Brief Update

Hi Peeps!

I'm going on a trip for the next few days and while I am away I will not have my computer with me. Because it is impossible for me to edit photos correctly on my phone app, I will not be posting about my trip until I get back. Instead, I will have several posts already ready to upload that I will post while I am there: a review of Coconut Bacon, a talk about depression, a book review, and other fun posts. My Walk to Mordor update will also be late because of this. Never fear! I will get back on track when I am back home.

Talk At You Later!

Food Pictures

Hello Peeps! You are getting some food pics today!

I've been forgetting to take pictures of some of my foods, but this is a jumble of foods I've eaten over the past week or so.

First we see pasta. I eat a lot of pasta. It is an addiction and I'm working on eating less. This is Angel Hair with Olive oil and Garlic.

And another Bowl of Pasta! This time it is topped with Gardein Ribs. These things are really fantastic if you like BBQ and thick sauce. They come in these little pouches that you puncture and then nuke in the microwave for a minute or two. These are tasty and juicy. My mom says that they really do taste like ribs. My dad declined the taste I offered him. My only complaint is that there needs to be more sauce in the little pouches.

 

This is a vegan burger by Amy's topped with dill pickles, spinach, ketchup, mustard, and vegenaise on an onion bun. These are not my favorite vegan burgers, but they are better than most that I have tried.

 

 

Vegan Lasagna again. I love making lasagna because it is fun to add fun layers to give your tongue a burst of exciting and hidden flavors. This one is made with canned no salt added diced tomatoes, soy chorizo, soy pepperoni, go veggie! vegan cream cheese, and vegan pesto. I ate it with this awesome kale dish that my mom made with mushrooms, garlic, olive oil, and lemon juice. This is probably my new favorite way to eat kale.

 

Tasty bite Bombay Potatoes were a new easy to heat food that I found at the store. It is made of potatoes, chick peas, green peas, and onions. I ate it with leftover sushi rice. It was just the perfect level of spicy without burning. I will definitely get this pouch again.

 

Chinese Curly Noodles are basically ramen that isn't fried. So this no fat ramen is doused in spicy and thick tomato sauce... yup. It was yummy!

 

My Peter Rabbit Garden Salad from Nutrition Company with my Apple, Cabbage, Kale, Ginger, Beet juice.

 

 

Soy Chorizo on Ciabatta bread. Super yummy and super filling. I love this soy chorizo. It is just the right amount of spice and it keeps me feeling full for a long while.

 

Vegan burgers with Vegenaise, ketchup, mustard, garlic dill pickles, spinach, and onion buns.

 

And last but no least, this is our little friend that keeps me up at night when he decides to knock over the trash cans and spread garbage all over the roof and lawn. (Don't worry, I don't think of him as food. I just wanted to post his picture here.) This is a young raccoon (there is an older and very fat raccoon that likes our yard as well). It ate all our blueberries before they ripened so my dad is really mad at it, but it doesn't bother me too much.

 

 

Let me know what you think about these food picture posts so I can decided if I will do more of them in the future. Talk at you later.